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    My Book

    Mayhem in the Reading Womb
    by Sandy Gandhi
    Enlighten Up No 115 – 31/07/08

    Last Saturday, the ‘book in me’ was delivered – I gave birth around 5.30 pm in front of a crowd of about 400. Assisted by the fabulous, virtual obstetrics surgeon of the Northern Rivers, Mr Mick, (a k a Mick O’Regan ABC National Radio), and nurse Fiona Hunter, who when not nursing under the influence, for medicinal reasons of course, does a mean haircut at her hair salon in Byron Bay – strangely enough her salon is called There’s Always More and there was!

    After 15 minutes of stand-up, I needed a lie-down as my waters broke and the birth was imminent.

    Mr Mick was marvellous. As there weren’t any stirrups to support my legs in a delivery position, he allowed me to rest my ankles on his broad shoulders, which was fortuitous as he laboured a tad longer than expected.

    While he was down there, he tidied up a bit, rearranging my pelvic floor – I like a good feng schweeing to, don’t you?!

    Not a simple case of removing the bun from my oven, other contents included a phone plan from India, an old love letter from a Frenchman, a sock I thought the washing machine had eaten, a set of keys ( I’d hear them jingle but didn’t know where the noise was coming from), a torch for enlightenment, an 8 year old blond girl, a snorkel, mask and fins in case of a water birth, some sim-cards from Dr. Haneef, a pelvic floor rug, a mobile phone that vibrates, (I told Mr Mick to put that back in and I’d give him the number later), and the baby bonus from Centrelink!

    And finally, with the help of the crowd’s encouragement to push, my book was launched – or should that be raunched?!

    Now if you all buy a copy or two, it’s sure to keep my post-natal depression at bay!

    Called Enlighten Up, a literary titterary, it’s no wonder I’m lactating!

    Take-away curry via email… only AUD$20.00 per serve!

    (Plus P+P)

    View the birth – clip

    A Portrait of the Performer as a Wannabe Artist! Rosita the Flea Whisperer! Indian or cowboy?! Brown Hilda, Queen of rape and Pillage! Sandy Claus! Comedius Interruptus! My one-eared inner holy cow and artist, Vincent Van Cow!